This ethical
will is unique because it was attached to this author's Durable Power of
Attorney for Health Care Decisions(DPA). The writer is a nurse by profession,
and named all of her 3 children as DPA. She wrote individual personal letters
to her children as well.
In the event that I cannot make my
own health care decisions, there are no other people I trust more to make
these decisions than the three of you. The three of you are growing
into people I am proud to call my children and my friends. Each of
you has different strengths and together you are a great team.
I am writing down a few of my wishes
and values to guide you in the decisions if you have to make them.
Being independent is a value that I hold very near and dear to my heart.
I remember as a small child hearing
a consistent challenge from my father, one should always be prepared to
care for themselves and be their own person. So much of what I am is because
of Grandpa, and I dearly miss him every day. Each of you was lucky
to have him in your life. And looking at how independent each child
in his family has turned out, I think he is smiling at us each day (probably
from a boat when he is out fishing).
If I am in a life threatening situation
where the outcome is most probably going to be a state of dependency, I
do not want any extraordinary means employed to keep me alive. I do not
want to be maintained on a respirator, receive artificial feedings, or
have people resuscitate me if my heart stops.
Death is not really the enemy, and
I believe in another life after death. Death does not scare me, but
living without any quality does. I like being a part of each of your
lives and having a life of my own. Just being maintained with bodily
systems is not my definition of living.
If I am paralyzed and cannot breathe
on my own, if I have a critical head injury, if I suffer a large burn,
if I have a significant neurological event, or require surgery that is
only palliative, I want you to consider the outcome. What would be
important to me is to be kept comfortable, free of pain, and have my family
close by during my dying process. These examples do not address every
situation, they are just examples. Use your judgment. I trust
you to make good choices.
If I am to die and can help another
by donating organs that is a practice I am in favor of. I would live
on in each of you but just maybe in someone else also. However, if
anyone of the three of you is opposed to this and does not feel comfortable,
do not feel obligated to agree to donation. I have found this is
a very private decision and makes some people uncomfortable.
I want my children to speak for my
health care needs if I cannot. Please support them in these decisions,
which they will make based on my values. I have seen people question
decisions especially if they are not the decisions they would like made.
Please don't do this. Health care decisions are hared to make and people
do not need to be second guessed.
I have a great life. I have
three children I am proud of, an extended family that will be there for
support, and a circle of friends that I cannot even begin to explain their
importance.
I have had fun and I see my life as
an adventure. Humor ought to be a large part of every person's day.
Every day there is a new mountain to climb. Some adventures are not
much fun and do not turn out the way you want them to, but all of
them shape who you are. I always make myself try to do new things
because I swore never to get complacent and do only what is comfortable.
This year I have made a decision that
changed the makeup of our family, truly the most difficult decision I have
ever made. Time will tell whether it is the right decision.
In the future I challenge the three
of you to always be willing to climb new mountains and greet new adventures.
I want to see a future where each of you is happy, that you make supportive
and provocative mates if you marry, attentive parents who challenge any
children that come, supportive family to your extended family, and a loyal
friend to those you choose to call friends. Karen Kaiser Clark talks
of growing deep not just tall. I heard her speak years ago, but I
have never forgotten that statement.
The other concept that has guided
me was in a book by Viktor Frankl. The concept emphasized what we
can control in our lives. We cannot control so much that happens
to or around us, but we can control how we choose to react to what happens
to us. I cannot tell you how much this concept has helped me.
It gives me a sense of control in situations even when I cannot control
any of the events. An it helps me put events in perspective.
As I close here, I have to chuckle
because I realize even at the end of my life I do not stop giving directions.
Humor me, it is who I am.
Love, Mom
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